Growing up, I had to say goodbye to my father every week.
He missed my birthday once because, as a staff sergeant in the Royal Corps of Signals, he always had to put the army first.
I’m 12 and as a young BBC reporter I wanted to show what life is like for children whose parents are in the armed forces.
I also wanted to ask if service children have the right support to deal with the disruptions that come with life in the army.
I go to school in Pembrokeshire but was born in Germany in 2010 when my father was stationed there.
My father, Bob, served 22 years in the Army, including two deployments to Afghanistan. I have two younger sisters and one younger brother.
My mum Sarah often had to deal with us on her own when dad was away.
When I was younger, I often got confused when Dad went away, and I later realized that he had to miss our birthdays and other important events.
Dad left the army in 2020 but the experiences I had stayed with me.
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An organization called SSCE Cymru (Supporting Service Children in Education) helped me connect with other service children in Pembrokeshire.
Haverfordwest High VC School is an impressive new school with approximately 1,500 students.
More than 50 of the students have ties to the military, either through parents who are active members of the military or are veterans.
I spoke to some of the children who attend a special club at the school that helps support them.
Gracie, 12, had two parents in the army but they abandoned her. She was born in Gibraltar.
“It was really tough when my dad had to leave,” she said.
“He was in Canada for six months before and missed my seventh birthday and we had to move a lot which was really hard. Lots of going to different schools and countries and trying to do something new friends.
“You wake up in the morning and expect to see both of your parents there, but they are not there, one is gone. It’s just sad because sometimes you wonder what’s going on and if they’re okay. You always wonder if they’re okay.”
Emma’s mother is in the army and had to go away every two weeks until she was nine.
“I was in a constant goodbye cycle,” she said.
“When my mother was home for the weekend and I got to see her again, she was tired and it was late at night when she got home.
“Now my mother works in the army once a week but it’s still very strange because I don’t know what day she comes home.
Caden, 12, has to say goodbye to his father from Sunday to Thursday night every week.
“It’s kind of annoying when he leaves because you don’t know when he’s going to be back and you don’t know if he’s okay,” he added.
Leo’s stepfather lives in the camp, so he doesn’t see him as often as he would like.
“I missed him at times because I used to ride his motorcycle,” he said.
“Now he’s in camp, I can’t have that experience anymore. I didn’t really talk to anyone about it when he left.”
SSCE Cymru estimates that there are at least 2,000 children in 600 schools in Wales who either have parents in the armed forces or are veterans.
Founded in 2014, the organization helps schools address the needs of children whose lives are disrupted by the insecurity of military life.
Jo Wolfe, the head of the organization for participation, was herself a child of the armed forces, and now her husband is in the army.
“We’re reaching out to the schools that have even one or two service children,” she said.
“We have a lot of pockets in Wales where there are higher numbers because there are a lot of stations in Wales.
‘We’ve got a lot of Army kids in Brecon, we’ve got a lot down here in Haverfordwest because of the 14th Signals Regiment.
“We have many RAF children in the Valley (on Anglesey) and the Vale of Glamorgan. We also have a Navy community in Cardiff.”
She said that empowered children often needed extra help with their schoolwork.
“Schools apply for a grant from the MOD (Department of Defense) called the Education Support Fund,” she said.
“From this they can then filter out which individual needs a child needs and whether there are learning gaps because you move around so often.”
Haverfordwest High VC has a special club for children in the armed forces, but it’s clear that everyone deals with it in their own way.
Caden said he prefers to discuss his concerns with family members, while Leo likes to do programming with Haverfordwest High Radio to cope with his stepfather’s absence.
Emma Richards, who is part of the service student liaison team at Haverfordwest High, said help was always available to the school’s more than 52 forces.
“I organize repeat clubs, afternoon classes, organize transport home. I notice it at school, I notice if something is going on, because I’m with the children every day.
“When dad is away they have the Lifeforce Google page where they message me.”
Emma said there are occasional positive elements to being an army kid.
“We have the opportunity to do other trips that the rest of the school doesn’t have. It’s nice to know that we can go to the club and do those things that we might have missed when we were little,” she said.
At home I discussed my visit to the school with my father. He admitted that it was very difficult for him to leave as well, and ultimately it influenced his decision to leave the army after a successful 20-year career.
“As a soldier with children, sometimes you almost have to be a bit selfish,” he said.
“It’s sad to say this but when it came to your birthday I didn’t have to think about it as it would have made me even sadder than I was then.
“I probably wasn’t aware of the impact it was having on you. When you entered that competition (to become a young BBC reporter) it has since got me thinking, ‘actually’ as a parent I could have done more to try and help you?”
He told me that missing parts of our childhood was a major reason for leaving the army:
“I think I started to realize that it affected you and your brothers and sisters. I wish the army would have done more to send me home to be honest.”
Dad is now training to be an elementary school teacher and has no regrets about leaving the army.
When I asked the students at Haverfordwest High if they would consider a career in the armed forces, Emma and Gracie said “maybe.”
Caden said his first choice would be to play international rugby. Leo said it was nothing he wanted to do anymore.
As we ate our buffet at Haverfordwest High, I have to say I agreed with Leo.
Being separated from a loved one as a child is something I don’t want to experience again as an adult. I have decided that I will not join my father in the army.
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