‘My parents didn’t want me because I was a girl’

Puja Tomar laughs nervously as she reveals her parents did not want her initially because she was a girl.

It surprises some of the journalists in the room, but for Tomar – the only Indian woman to ever fight in the UFC – it is the cornerstone of why she is doing this interview.

Her start in life helped to forge her extraordinary resilience and character, her career, and everything she stands for today.

“My family and this society doesn’t allow girls, they like only boys,” Tomar tells BBC Sport.

“Before I was born, they wanted a boy. Even when I was a newborn, my mum told me my father didn’t want a third girl.”

Tomar, 31, was born in a small village called Budhana in Uttar Pradesh, a state in northern India.

Historically, Indian families wanting boys over girls is common, particularly among poor communities, leading to a skewed sex ratio in favour of men.

There have been instances where unwanted baby girls have been buried alive and left to die in clay pots in the country.

The reasoning is rooted in widely held cultural beliefs that a male child would carry the family name, look after the parents in their old age, and perform the rituals on their death – while daughters would cost them dowries and leave them for their matrimonial homes.

In 2022, the United Nations estimated that nearly 400,000 female births – or 3% of all female births – are missed annually as a result of gender biased sex selection.

Tomar was the third of three sisters, which led to ridicule from other families because her dad had not fathered a boy.

But she did not let the misogyny she faced affect her.

After losing her father at the age of seven, Tomar – supported by her mum – was instead fuelled by the experience.

“After that, I wanted to beat boys. So I learned Jackie Chan movies and kung-fu and how to beat the boys,” said Tomar.

“Even in the road I would go up to boys and say ‘hey’ – I tried to fight with boys. I wanted to prove myself.

“After that I realised I could be in sports, but nobody told me how to do it. My cousins, my family – nobody allows girls to go outside in India. But my mum, she fought for this day.”

Tomar made a winning start on her UFC debut in June and on Saturday at UFC London at the O2 Arena, takes on Irish strawweight Shauna Bannon.

Using the platform she has in the UFC, Tomar wants parents in India to see the potential in daughters and treat them as equals to their sons.

“I just want to tell every parent to be proud you have a girl. Give confidence to your girls, give belief to them,” said Tomar.

“Because if I can do it, many more can. Just open the gate. Don’t think a girl is only there to make food, a girl can do anything, just give them opportunities.”

Since her UFC debut, Tomar says parents in her village have asked how their girls can start in mixed martial arts (MMA) – a movement which makes her “proud”.

The success Tomar is experiencing would seem unimaginable from the moment she started her MMA journey.

Alongside sex ratio discrimination, Indian sportswomen face multiple other challenges,, external including under-funded sport and sexual harassment and assault.

Tomar says she was around 24 years old when she first started training in MMA, but had difficulties finding gyms in India.

“I was in MMA with no experience, no coach. Just sometime I’d get help, but I had no coach,” says Tomar.

“MMA sport training is very hard in India. In my society, you have to be fully clothed when you train with men. It’s very hard.”

Eventually Tomar would move to Soma Fight Club, which is a gym in Bali, Indonesia, where she still trains today.

She was signed by the UFC in 2023 after a four-fight winning streak.

“I kept going and kept going and one day I can show the world girls don’t [belong only] in the kitchen,” said Tomar.

“I just want to work hard and keep going and win and win. One day I want to be on top.”