Child loss: Mother who lost husband and son welcomes support plan

A mother who lost her husband and one-year-old son in five days welcomes a plan to help bereaved families.

Rhian Mannings has campaigned to support everyone affected by the sudden death of a child or young person under the age of 25.

Bereaved families are now called within 48 hours to offer support and advice.

Ms Mannings said the plan is “the legacy” of her husband and son.

Her petition to the Welsh Government was delivered on Friday, meaning a bereaved person will now receive a phone call within 48 hours of the death, followed by a home visit and continued grief counseling for the whole family.

Ms Mannings, 45, founded her charity 2Wish after losing her baby son George and husband Paul within five days in 2012.

She said: “In 2012 my one-year-old son George passed away suddenly. My husband Paul and I had three children at the time, George being our youngest and we also had a two year old and a three year old.

“George showed no signs of illness, fell ill and was taken straight down the road to the hospital. But unfortunately he died within two hours of being admitted to the hospital.”

She explained that the hospital staff genuinely cared about her and her family, but it became clear that there would be no grief counseling when they left the hospital.

She said: “We didn’t get anyone to call or visit us. We were given a list of phone numbers, some of which were actually out of date.”

Just days later, Rhian suffered another tragic loss.

“Five days later, after George died, my husband Paul left the house and never came home.

“He took his own life, traumatized by what we went through five days ago, leaving me with Hollie and Isaac to just move on and live a life that I didn’t think I could do at the time could.”

Speaking of the support her family received, Rhian said: “I was expecting a call, I was expecting someone to come out and see us, but there was nothing.

“I really think if there was anything then, Paul would be here today.”

Following Paul’s death just days after her son’s death, Rhian of Miskin near Llantrisant, Rhondda Cynon Taf, spoke of a similar lack of support.

“We were assigned family liaison officers who, again, were really nice people, but admitted at the time that they weren’t trained in bereavement counseling, that wasn’t their role,” she said.

“The GP came out and was very emotional again. He was very apologetic when he explained that you had to wait at least a year for any kind of support and he sat in front of us on the phone and never got anywhere.”

“It was just amazing. I had two and three year olds, I didn’t even know how to talk to them about death and what had happened. I had given myself nothing, no information on how to talk to children about death.”

So she had to “make something up” to tell her young children, who were just two and three years old at the time.

She told them, “When you die, you no longer need your body, but we all have a spark in our guts. When you die, that bundle of sparks will be launched into the sky and become a star.”

“You will see George forever and for as long as you want to see him. I never thought that just five days later I would tell them the same thing about their father.”

From her experiences, Rhian drew the strength to make a difference and ensure that there are better prospects for families in a similar situation.

First, she shared her story and started her charity, 2wish.

She said: “I realized this was a loophole and nothing like it was available across the UK. I did it as a volunteer for about three years and just used my life savings to get it off the ground.

“I then had a corner in a friend’s office that I worked in. It took about four and a half years to turn that into something that I thought could make a difference.”

Their first major breakthrough came from a pilot in Cardiff, who said that if an under 18 dies in sudden circumstances, they would receive a phone call within 48 hours of their death.

The pilot project was so successful that it was subsequently rolled out across Wales.

Receiving an MBE for her work, Rhian said, “To see people put one foot in front of the other and know they are not alone is amazing because grief can create such feelings of loneliness and isolation.”

She said her charity will not only support families but anyone affected by the death and has supported up to 30 people from one death in the past.

She said: “This is now a formal route through Wales to be followed if a child or young person dies suddenly in Wales.

“We can’t prevent the deaths, but what we can do is make sure nobody feels as alone as Paul and I did all those years ago.”

Deputy Minister for Mental Health Lynne Neagle said: “Bereavement affects us all in different ways and I am committed to ensuring that support and care is available for everyone across Wales.”

She said the Welsh Government, working closely with the Bereavement Steering Group, is making improvements to bereavement care “at pace”.

“We want health authorities to take these model paths and adapt them to the needs of their local communities in collaboration with partner agencies,” Ms Neagle said.

“2Wish and other charities across Wales are providing vital services and by working together we can support these people in their grief.”